Yes best of my learnings came when I failed to meet my expectations/societies !! One of the best example was my XII board exams, After screwing up physics exams I was in no mood to concentrate on rest of my exams - and I sticked to that with great guns when I should have sticled to my exam plans !! I almost went unprepared for rest of the exams and got a 84% overall. I knew my capabilities well I thought and decided to give another attempt - with gr8 support from my MOM and rest opposed to the plans of spending another year of sporadic studying !!
Like me, couple of my batchmates did opt that option either on their own or as per their parents suggestion. I remember 4 fella's Siva - Alias Kutti, Jayanth alias J/Pottu, Saravanakumar, Lenin. Till then I seldom spoke to those guys except J. J and me are very close from the day I joined basket team in BVB, we became best pals by that time. Everybody felt we could have done better and had various dreams. I wanted to go in BITS, J was suggested by his parents to take this path to join Medicine, Kutti wanted to join Top Engg college, Saravanakumar and Lenin wanted to get only to Medicine so they opted out of joining Engg even tho' they had good grades to join the same year !!
Me and Kutti started to go to tuitions to keep abreast with the study. We went together for Physics and Cemistry and we were thinking of doing it on our own for Math as we both were good in Math. Phyiscs tuition went well and chemistry was a sucker -atleast Kutti felt that very much - Wat da Am I telling the right thing ?? We attented tuitions and wrote tests with junior batch students, some were preparing from XI std !! Our preparation were ok considering our plans and targets we had set to achieve. I would say I was not doing the right thing, all cos of my last minute preparation that I habitutated till then (It continues till now -which I need to work on) and it costed me dearly as I could not prepare all 6 subjects and my dream of getting in to BITS has been moved to my Wish List !!
One incident still lingers very much in my mind vividly, since we did our own coaching for Math I had very little practise and when the D-Day for Math exams came - I asked a critical question to Kutti "Can I skip the Maths Exam" cos I thought I didn't prepare well for taking a public exam - All these thought came to me only 30 min b4 taking exams & not while I was not preparing seriously for the whole year, and Kutti (we became good friends by then) advised me to go ahead and take the exams stating you can always use the previous years marks(180) if this going to be low - but I was very sceptical as I don't want to score lower than previous resluts, but he gave me confidence to take the exam, so I went on to take the Math exam and to my surprise and Luck - I was able to crack all the questions, we discussed all the answers and found to be correct - I thought I will get a CENTUM. For the first time during my improvement life I felt I have taken the right decision and started to do the rest of the exams really well !! All these happened cos of one good soul - Kutti alias Siva - Thanks da, if it was not for you I wouldn't have taken the Math Xam !! Then the entrance exams for Engg came and we did better than previous year !!
If you all think my good time has started by then, it was BIG NO !! After 50 odd days of waiting results came!! First results were TNPCEE entrance results, it was 75+ out of 100, it was bad score consiering it was a second attempt and then the public results came - Atleast here I was hoping to see a CENTUM in Maths, and my eyes were searching for Maths score and to my biggest shock of my life - I got a 170+ !! I just noted down my other subject marks along with total and came out of the browsing center - void of any positive thoughts and completely filled with disappointment,hatred towards myslef and a humiliatng feeling, with intriguing questions going on in my mind (about relatives, friends, what will they ask/tell me about my score after second attempt). But I called my mom to inform that I have scored a low mark she asked me to come home and pacified me even after I brought home the bad grades !! She gave me hope and reinforced positive thoughts and she even bought me a book on SONY success - it all gave me a momentary energy but failed to boost me up for the next level of my life. That year Govt introduced a new scheme - To get a copy of answer sheets that we wrote. Mom forced me to apply for all papers and cos of huge expenses I had put only for Maths. Then papers sowed many of my correct answers were put wrong !! I applied for reevaluation and my score got corrected to 190+(I couldn't get that elusive CENTUM tho'), with that score I could enter in to BITS, Yes but the main difference was it was in South instead of North INDIA !!
That one year showed me the REAL LIFE !! Life void of friendship, whom to trust and whom I shouldn't, Humiliation, Defeat, Year I weighed more than ever, Losing self respect, behaving badly, Showed how laziness will bring down your Self Belief, and it gave me worst of the news in continuous manner !! One who supported me through this darkest hours of my life time is "Godess Of My Life" in the form of MOM. I Love You So Much for taking it all and supporting me like nobody else !! Best part is that you have renderred this to me when I should have made you proud by getting good grades in school - I couldn't but U DIDN'T STOP from your kindness. Next best support I got was from my dad who told he is ready to pay a donation and make me join in any college I was willing to - even in stiff financial situtation @ home - Dad you taught us basics of Math very well, but consciously you didnt teach us the Money value to show the real value of life - "Relationship" !! I can't Thank You both - Let me give you what you desired - in couple of years time - "Pursuit of My Life" & will invite you for the convocation, Day is not far !!
Everything Happens For Good !!
6 comments:
Nicely written, sounds like you learnt a lot in just that one year! :-)
its when the times are the hardest that we discover our true friends...
Nice blog bro,as you have said only in the times of low we understand the reality in many people and definitely every low is to bring us back on track with never before enthusiasm and energy,The feeling which you get after passing the low phase is unexplainable like you have won a series of war and now you are ready by all means to take on the world...All the best bro,even i would like to be part of the convocation,Eagerly waiting for that day...
Anna Do U believe me... Instead of "Posted by Vinod", it can be changed as "Posted by Arunanna"... I believe, am also an "Improvementorian"... Am alwys proud to be a Junior & friend in every sense of the word.. See this
May 2003 May 2004
Total-958 Total-963
Phy -180 Phy -177
Che -170 Che -172
Maths-169 Maths-188
TNPCEE-224.72 TNPCEE-239.42
And am very fortunate to read this & think of my saddest moments of Life in the joyest day of my Life... Yes na, Believe me, I have been recommended for the Rank of Sub-Lieutenant in INDIAN NAVY...
Don think my Plans for Civil Services r in awry... I have a plan in place... If I get into Defence Services, will surely help me when I appear for the Interview for the Civil Services provided I consistently strive harder for my "Real Pursuit"
Anna Pls add the word "U Remember" with I believe in my preceding comments
I know instead of commenting, am making a mess of it... Anyway I know, U will still bear with me
Sorry Vinod.. I Should have commented for this post well before since I'm the one requested you to pen down ur thought about
our Struggle initially but I procrastinated,as always and finally missed out :( ..
Here goes my Version...
Well Said vinod.. it was one of the best of the learning we had, though it is a dare challenge to experience...Considering the
standard of the school we studied and ability of ourselves.. know we fared low..very low...All because of the Over
Confidence principally and daydreaming without actual preparation.. not sure abt you but i was.. but though there was a lot
of personal disappointment what bugs me still now is the way I dismounted my parents hope of "faring well and getting into the
best college" after they joining me in a reputed institute and gave me "whatever i asked for" considering their capacity...
Though the decision of doing an improvement was own.. didn't have any plans to go with...whether to join some specialized institute for that or to go alone....and later decided to go alone...and we 5 became a batch later...but myself and vinod were all together since others were little away and jayanth joined little later with us.. we decided to join tuition for Physics and chemistry but not for Maths since we believe we can crack ourselves..and to add strength to that thought was
vinod's Maths note... yes, he really takes notes neatly and maintain them more perfectly.. Since the Chemistry tutor didn't sink with our plans (my plan atleast..i really didn't like her attitude though ) we went till physics lessons (he is a gem in
teaching that subject) were over and stopped... Theory exams started and during the D-day of maths pathetically we are not
sure what the actual syllabus for the test atlast..(becoz that yr the syllabus has been changed though minimally..) and we consoled ourselves and give a attempt this time...luckily the paper was easy enough to score a centum.. but not for me..I
screwed up again... and in chemistry though .. I left one subdivision in long answer which i found after going home..till
then i thought i would hit the centum... "moron, you will never improve" I cursed myself.. the pacifier was physics i thought
i would score a sure 199...
Considering our performance in theory exams.. We put more efforts during the entrance and due to vinod's compulsion we joined extra coaching for maths alone.. what a decision that was..!! It really helped a lot..
First the entrance results are out.... it was a kinda Good result for me.. i scored 89+ but it was a jolter when the theoretical results were out (to be true i performed like that)...but much shocker was seeing vinod maths mark...looking for a centum and turning out a meager mark is not something to digest that easy...No words to console and we drove back home silently in his scooter... I was little worried till he reach home safe to be frank...
Then we had the answer sheet xeroxed and found that vinod math paper was evaluated wrongly.. though a centum deserved paper
was later reevaluated and given only 190+....but before the revaluation results are out..the first phase of counseling was
going on..myself selected Kongu and vinod selected KSR and with his reevaluated results he got into BITS,South Indian... :)
and we happily started and completed another phase of life called College :)
Siva - I never know u wrote a comment, and well written and completely true, its tough to tell the truth very openly and u said it too !! I'm happy to see the comment now than then, it again gave a reason to smile but opur prrcrastination is killing us still(atleast for me - I'm borrowing ur dialogue) Looking fwd to see some change sooner or later !! Wish You too ALL THE VERY BEST FOR ALL UR FUTURE ENDEAVOR and have gr8 fun in Oregon !!
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